Becoming a better lover is not an easy task, it requires time and effort and above all communication. Nobody is born with the knowledge to please every woman, although sometimes it sure seems that some guys were.
There are many different aspects to providing pleasure to a woman and in this article I will be discussing just one of those, manual stimulation, or fingering.
Many men overlook fingering and many women do the same. But I’m here to tell you that your hands can provide an incredible amount of pleasure if you just know how to work them properly. But keep in mind that every woman out there has different likes and dislikes for how she likes to be touched.
An important thing to remember is that the brain truly is the body’s largest sex organ, so in order to ‘prep’ her vagina you’re first going to have to make her mentally ready. This is due to the fact that if she isn’t producing any lubricant of her own then any serious activity down there could be quite uncomfortable, even downright painful. So before you start right in on the pleasing make sure she’s ready, take your time, communicate, there’s no hurry.
I would like to say one more thing before we get into the meat of how to finger a girl. As I mentioned earlier, every woman has different likes and dislikes as far as what they enjoy sexually. So pay attention, keep communication open, some women love a lot of direct clitoral stimulation, some women find any direct stimulation to be uncomfortable. Some women can reach orgasm through g-spot attention only and some women can never reach orgasm without clitoral support. And some women never reach orgasm, no matter the time and attention given.
The techniques below aren’t rules written in stone, instead they are guidelines and ideas, change them as necessary to fit her preferences.
1) The Classic
If you’ve ever fingered a woman then you’ve probably used this simple technique. But just because it is standard and easy doesn’t mean it’s not effective, in fact this is one that for most women is guaranteed to get the job done.
After you know she’s properly moist you take your index and middle fingers and work them in a circular motion around the clit. Make sure you let her know to keep you informed on her situation, some women love constant clitoral stimulation until climax but some love a bit more variety. She may want you to use those fingers and go inside her for a while before returning to her clit. Pay attention to her reactions and listen to what she has to say.
Don’t go too fast at first and always keep a good rhythm, breaking rhythm will interrupt her engagement in the moment and possibly prevent her from climaxing. Unless, of course, she wants you to, then by all means, do as she asks.
2) Two is Better Than One
This is a very strong technique but requires a bit more left/right hand coordination than most other techniques. You start by placing yourself between the girls legs while she is lying on her back or leaning back in a chair, you can also sit to one side or the other if that’s more suitable or more comfortable for you.
With one hand you move one or more fingers in a thrusting motion inside her vagina and with your other hand you rub your index and middle fingers in a circular motion around her clitoris. Rhythm is key here so to be able to more easily do this without losing your even tempo you might want to try starting with only one hand or the other and when you’re in the groove slowly add the second hand.
Even though each hand needs to keep its own rhythm, nobody says both hands need to follow the same beat. Make one hand fast and the other slow and mix it up a bit and ask her what she likes the best.
3) Take it up a Notch With Sex Toys
As great as the human fingers are, sometimes it’s nice to have a little extra variety, variety is the spice of life, you know.
One option is called a finger, or finger vibrator, and rightly so, this little toy is essentially a small extension to your own digits. However it does have something your fingers lack; nubs and ticklers. You just place these over your own fingers and go on with business as usual.
A different option is using a vibrator such as a bullet. You may know these as common sex toys that women use for masturbation, however they can be just as fun, if not more so, when used by a partner. You can even take the bullets up a level by adding a finger sex toy onto them!
Final Thoughts
There’s a lot of ways to pleasure your partner and a lot of ways for him/her to pleasure you! Don’t let yourself get caught in a rut, don’t limit yourself, don’t stop communicating, don’t stop practicing and it’s you that’ll be ‘that guy’ who’s a god in bed.
And don’t forget, some women don’t produce enough lube on their own and may need a little help through some water-based lubricant.